Today, he…

Today, he grabbed by hand and we ran like monkeys across downtown. His grip never faltered, and I knew I could let go of my worries. Like a rollercoaster, he brought me to the best parts of the city. We hid in between walls and alleyways, faking our excitement for the other people around us. We were only interested in each other’s happiness and how we could help each other find it. Alex held his warm energy close my heart the entire day. 

I can’t figure out why I am unable to describe his face, but I know his hair was black and swoopy. But, what good is that when I need eyes to drown in, a smile to wrap my legs around, cheeks and a jaw to brush with my fingers, and a neck to admire. 

Oh, that’s right! I’m dreaming.

Today, he…

Today, he sighed of relief. The back side of his body pressed against the front door, blocking out the partyers who had just left in chaos.

“I thought they would never leeeaavee‚” he said, dragging out the last part of the sentence as he usually does. It adds emotion, he would explain to me. At this point my drunkenness had reached its max point of exhaustion. I was on my knees on the floor right beside the comfy rocking chair. As he walked past me to sit in this chair, I noticed he wasn’t horny for me. There wasn’t a bulge this time. I would have to work for it, and use my god-given talents as a woman. I hate working at it; I want sex to be easy, like popping a pill. Alas, I found some energy and drove it straight to his eyes.

Looking at him above me in the chair. His body covered it whole with a sense of royalty and dignity. We could have fit in at a bougie brothel like the ones in Game of Thrones. I stared down his gaze and brought my hands to his knees. This triggered him to look at my position and realize where our night was going. Slowly and carefully I brought my face near the inside of his leg, brushed my cheek against his jeans and tried to get an arousal out of him. Nothing. He waited for my next move.

Okay, next move would be to use my hands. So I did that. Grabbing and rubbing in the appropriate places. There was a bit of a change after this but I could still feel his guarded energy. I had to REALLY entertain him. So I stood up and strip teased like the girls in porn. All the tricks and treats that I knew off hand. We were still in the main area of my apartment so my roommate could have come in at any moment. I would have to save some things for the bedroom. There, bra and underwear still on, I checked his body language again and found that he had sat up a bit to rest his head on his hands. He wasn’t particularly amused but he watched.

He could sense I didn’t have a next move. Vulnerable as I was, I still felt like I needed to dominate the experience. Be in charge of how the story unfolds. I came over to him and straddled his pelvis to initiate a direct sensation. Maybe he just wasn’t letting himself relax?

‘That’s all I can do on my end‚” I whispered. He chuckled with his head back.

“You’re missing something, though. C’mon… It’s not that hard to think of.”

What did I miss? I was stunned because usually I can get us going in less than a minute.

“Use that brain of yours‚” he joked in my ears, causing me to fill up with desire for him. He knew how to play with me and get me excited.

“Would you rather my hair be down? I can take it out of my ponytail….”

“Kiss me.”

I suddenly realized we had never before. Three weeks of causal sex and talking but no lip action. Shoot, how could I have missed that? Have I become a monster? I showed him a smile and came close to his face like I was supposed to do. The movies always taught me that. When we were millimetres from making contact, I freezes and pressed my lips together. He was stunned now. Aha. I got him.

“Actually, I think we should just hang out tonight. I’m kinda tired anyways and my legs feel—” but I couldn’t finish cause his hands clasped my jawline like a magnetic pull and we felt each other’s mouths. We didn’t have sex that night.

Today, he…

Today, he smiled with absolute excitement. I was ready to pounce and felt his skin long for me. My desire took over and I let him relax on his roommates’ bed.

As I unloaded my stress and gave into temptation, I watched his face loosen back into his skull. It was like his neck muscles had disappeared and the visual he gave me was the sculptured-ness of his collarbones. His shoulder bones were up into his ears and his breathing was roughly loud. My mouth became a warm sock.

Carefully, he removed his shirt and found a sly way for his pelvis to be on top of mine. Now, the roles were reversed. The beauty of our position was only noticeable from afar and from an avid movie-watcher, I got upset that there wasn’t an audience to see it. Nevertheless, I was hooked by him. He somehow filled the hole in my life and made sure to leave no space between us. Giving time for us to breathe, we didn’t kiss until I saw his eyes again. Then, we returned back to what made us get out of bed each day, but there were moments of pause to show the tenderness of our exchange. Partners, but also selfish beings.

We had no time and yet all the time in the world. Rushing to wait awhile. Hurrying up so that the result would be long and slow. What a way to live.

Afterwards, the sleep I experienced beside him had a sort of boring quality to it. It was lame in comparison to when I was awake with him. This was very odd for me, since my obsession with sleep is always prominent. I waited for him to wake up and then gave him my most genuine smile. It just came out. I didn’t even think about it. And he returned the favour. Laughing a bit, we embraced in a different position and sighed in unison. Completely naked under the sheets.

When I stood up my body felt as skinny and as fat as I perfectly wanted it to be. I gave him a look over my shoulder before leaving the bedroom, and I saw him close his eyes as he slumped back to his pillow.

“Get back in here!!”

Today, he…

Today, he stayed put. His head resting with ease as his legs sprawled out everywhere. I found his energy to be calming and for him, this was a first. I could watch him in slow motion. My legs were under his head, and his book was over top of his gaze. He used it to shelter the gorgeous sunshine that covered the lake at my cottage. He read Stephen King. I read Uta Hagen. As the waves crashed against my favourite log, the boat swayed to the rhythm of our heartbeats. “You’re thinking.” he suddenly blurted out, making me realize I wasn’t even looking at my book anymore. “What of?” He didn’t sit up when he said this. I liked that. I told him coyly about the cheesey-ness of this moment. How this is always the happy place I go to when I’m feeling anxious. It was weird, I told him, that it wasn’t a dream. I could truly be happy. The cottage, my book, the sun, my boy. Peace at last and I didn’t want to leave it. He dropped his book like a tent over his nose and moaned his usual sounds. I started to tense up out of fear that I said too much. When he recovered out of the book, he said ten words that I won’t forget:

Remember to receive the love you always seem to give.

Immediately after, his book closed and he sat up to stretch his long limbs. With a kiss and a smile, he strolled back to the cottage, yelling out: “Gonna go eat those chips and salsa cause they were BEAUTIFUL.” The feeling of peace kept with me even still.

Today, he….

Today, he waited for me in the lobby, but I was already there. I was able to see him fiddle with his watch and I couldn’t help but love the impatient look on his face. Wanting to make him come to me, I turned around and gave him a second to find me. I stared deeply at him as we reunited and he sauntered as he stood next to me.

Me, in my navy gown. Him, in a classic tie and blazer. The ceiling shone like the lights of Broadway. We matched so perfectly.

In a natural way, his elbow bent while my hand fit into it. We walked towards the ballroom and I noticed my gait was as calm as it has ever been. I didn’t feel rushed because I knew we had all night. However, I wanted him to jump into action and sweep me off my feet. His coy smirk suggested other things, and I knew that when he looked at me, he would get lost in my eyes.

So, we didn’t make eye contact. We just strode through the lobby, in our fancy outfits, together in harmony. I was his eye candy, but he was a fox.

Today, he…

Today, he came to me with warm eyes. His hat tilted ever so slightly downwards and his gait slow and cautious. He didn’t want to disturb me but wanted so badly to talk about my eyes. Whenever he is near, I find myself singing the theme to “New York, New York” because, well, he sings it as effortlessly as a piano man follows a beat. As he made his way closer to my hips I saw the smallest smile form around his lips. He grabbed my waist and with an appropriate amount of force, his arms gathered me into his embrace. Next we were swaying and my arms came up to his neck to establish my comfort with him. It was not a struggle, just a choice that happened to be perfect. The music played from the band with the tempo of a sloth-like turtle, and we were being washed away by it. I was not anxious, I was not over-thinking things. I found a paradise and made a home in it. He suddenly pulled away to step onto the dance floor. I knew he wanted me to join and the smile transferred to my lips now as we continued our choreography. It was heaven. I took his hat off and found his eyes. We were moving mountains with just the long gaze we held. Never was there a moment where we glanced away.

As the music gradually finished, I returned his hat back to its original position. But… he sent it back to my hands. “Keep it,” he declares. And that’s the last I saw of him.


A love story from simpler times

This was one of the first pieces I ever wrote. It came from my mind during a creative writing course I was taking back in seventh grade. Enjoy a giddy version of me.

Aug 6, 2012


I’m in drama class with all my close friends. Perched in the middle of our acting circle is Mrs. Acting Teacher, the fun-est teacher I’ve ever had. She is explaining our new topic for this week, acting the feeling of LOVE. As usual, I’m trying to listen but I find myself thinking about him, who is on the other side of the room. The best relief I had was that faithful first day of freshmen year and the knowing that he is in my drama class. I heard Mrs. Acting Teacher trying to get my attention and snap back from my day-dream. She asks me what I think the meaning of love is and instead of laying low and joking about it, the words come out of my mouth like vomit. Eww gross. I tell her, “It’s like you’re shook up from the way someone makes you feel. You’re vulnerable, but everything always fits together when you’re with him.” The whole time, my bug-out eyes are still and focused. Mrs. Acting Teacher smirks at me and goes back to her desk demanding I tell her if I’m in love because that was just beautiful and completely exact. I know right away my cheeks are burning up and I can’t stop smiling. I mumble a very slippery “No” and hug my knees with my head hidden. Why do these things keep happening? But it’s not like I don’t enjoy a little attention. 🙂 Everyone else around me obviously doesn’t believe my excuse of a “no” and I hear scrambled dialogue of “Oh sure,” “That’s a lie!” and “She’s so in love.” And finally, the three words I hate to be present for. “SHE LIKES HIM!” Now my lunch has been ruined and I feel actual vomit coming up. He knows how to handle these moments colloquially and he speaks up for himself by saying “Aw. Do you like me, Brianna?” I’m not looking at him of course. Who would? I’m trying to defend myself but an alibi is not leaving my mouth. My best friend’s eyes and my eyes meet and I beam my thought. Help! She takes control and lawyers with “That’s not true, she told me herself.” “Then why is she blushing?” some idiot asks. Probably Dumb Kid #1. Then, my best friend, the genius, says “Who wouldn’t?” and everyone shuts up. Mrs. Acting Teacher, who realizes she made a mistake of saying that, changes the subject back to our acting assignment of the week and I go back to silently fantasizing about him. Him. He. Me. His. Mine. Someday ours.