New York vs Toronto


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First New York trip by myself.

July 5, 2015


I am wondering alone in the streets of New York. There are people but I feel lonely. There are groups of girls in dresses on a girls night. There are men with their dogs or food take-out. There are tourists with sweet hearts. There are tourists with accents. There are tourists with complete disgust for other tourists. There are tourists who look confident with their maps but are actually clueless. UNHELPFUL. Still I am here and making my presence in New York City. At 9:31 pm. I am here. Smelling it. Feeling it. Pushing through it. I helped a lady find her way, feeling like a real resident. I watched as a Muslim, a photographer and a post-yoga class lady walked within 5 minutes of each other. They could one day meet again. Their paths inter crossing. I think I just saw Giovani from ADA riding a horse carriage. There’s horses around me.

First trip to Toronto where it felt like home.

Aug 8, 2015


People and dancers and tourists and children seem to look to me for advice. Is it the hat? Is it the new found confidence? I have become a local. I love this place. It’s safe. It’s filled of art and gorgeous scenes from the subway bustle to the quiet night time skyline. Many moments of calmness in a big town is not what I am used to but I love it. I wish I could understand my choice for next year. I want to live in New York because…? I need to have a reason. I want to live in Toronto because of the connections, the friends, the familiarity, the art. But NY is dangerous and witty and dirty and spontaneous… And cooler.


I wrote this during rehearsals for Emma Portner‘s first company (FLOCK’dance) full length show. It was and continues to be one of the best production experiences I have ever had.

July 28, 2015



I’ve been present for so much in the past 4 days. I don’t know if my body is receiving it or if my mind is processing it but I feel completely immersed. It’s exciting to put so much into one thing. To be fulfilled by only one thing entirely. Having those moments of awe and transformation. I’m a new person. I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel lost, though I am not happy nor sad about it. I am reincarnated and it’s inevitable.