I find it very chilling when a dance student of mine has complete knowledge of adult swear words. Many times, I will explain to a kid that these particular words do not belong in our dance class. And it baffles me that I even have to address this problem when parents should be in charge of this. Words and phrases that are generally censored in our public media have somehow made their way into the brain of an 11-year old. When I was about that age, it was absolutely FORBIDDEN in my family to swear. My parents didn’t even accept “Shut up” as an exclamation. Looking back, I feel as though it helped me understand the meaning behind the word/phrase so that if I really did need to use it, it would be for an appropriate reason. But that wasn’t even until I was in my teens.
It begs the question that maybe swear words have lost their intensity? Maybe, these words and phrases have no meaning anymore and are similar to the way we use the word “the”. If that is the case, we should probably do more to make sure children are aware of the definitions of these curse words so that they can use them properly. Right? I mean, you wouldn’t want a kid to be calling another one a… nevermind.
Pop songs are generally targeted to a specific audience with the interests of the listener in mind. When Eminem raps about being a young father, he wants to reach out to the 20-somethings that deal with similar experiences. But, he uses swear words A LOT. Currently, I am very interested in this kind of expression because when I am with my friends, we use swear words to liberate ourselves. It’s f**king awesome. However, I didn’t particularly listen to Eminem until I became the age of his target audience and I think that was because my parents refrained from playing those songs. I am not saying every household should be doing this, but I recognize that young kids are not able to relate to mature songs. Their concept of sex and alcohol is very different, having less experience with it. So, if they are learning from the music they listen to, it will change the way they speak. I find myself having to always find a “clean” version of Top 40 Songs to play in my dance classes and that saddens me. Where did the innocence go? Are my students being influenced by music that is making them age too quickly?
It is important to realize that the words children hear can be interpreted however they choose. Ultimately, it would be impossible to censor everything but we should do our part as role models and think about how we use our words.
I used to think that if I was in my best shape/weight, other people would dislike me. Almost as if my physical accomplishments were taking away from theirs.
I used to think that if I wanted people to feel better about themselves, I should never talk about me and only ask about them. Almost as if my personal thoughts/stories/opinions were pointless to their growth.
I used to think that food was mainly for pleasure. Mouth pleasure. Almost as if I only listened to my taste buds and not my stomach and full body.
I used to think that being alone was the best thing in the world. Almost as if independence is the most productive and fruitful way to live.
I used to think that eye contact was creepy when having a conversation. Almost as if I should never deserve someone’s full attention.
I used to think sleep was the worst part of my daily routine. Almost as if I didn’t require a recharging of my brain and body and I could run on empty like a superhero forever.
I don’t believe these things anymore. I found a way out of those dark and idiotic thoughts.
I think wine has a huge effect on how loving I can be.
I feel so much love and joy and generosity towards the men in my life right now. They are in my bedroom at this very moment, even thought I’m just dancing alone. I see their jawlines, their tall body structure. And I want to dance for them and be at their side. I want to hear what they have to say after I tell them I love them. I know I am in love with too many men but can you blame me? They are incredible creatures.
Girls is flashing through my head. Scenes of intense love, mistakes, beautiful heart breaks. I want to be 30 and in my thirties. That’s the same thing but who cares. I want to have a stable job so I can focus on my love life. Give it some time cause I’ve been wasting so much since I was a teen. God I wish I had listened to the wonderful sounds of love in high school. I would have been so much more in tune with my desires. I feel out of touch now.
But I still have time to make my desires come to reality. And I can see other people to help with that. High school boys were just a trial run. This is the real shit. Let’s go.
“Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, life goes on.”
This Beatles quote has been getting me through this month. Even made a little cover of it here. Having more time for myself, I was frequently in my head and over-analyzing decisions. I planned to spend time working out and feeling physically settled, however, on August 31, I hated the results. BUT, life goes on and I have chosen to stay along with it.
Friends! I love my friends!
A wonderful thing about summer is the opportunity for outside hangouts. And my friends were too good to me this summer. I felt so loved and attempted to give as much love back. It really is important, as an adult, to feed your friendships the healthiest energy you can. They are the life supports when times are tough. They know who they are.
Teaching at new spaces
I was invited into a bevy of different studio space this month, either as an individual teacher or on faculty with Fresh Dance Intensive. Each space had its specific architecture, colours, and ambiance. My goal was to adapt into the new surroundings so that I could present myself in the best way. It was crucial that I stayed present and focused on the students in front of me. I definitely was not perfect and each day was a challenge but I am glad I can be more present nowadays. Teaching will always remind to be aware of others and that is something I forget most days.
My demon, Depression.
Although there was sunshine and laughter, this month brought on a real presence of my demon, Depression. I feel very connected to the character of BoJack Horseman, not because I am a middle-aged has-been celebrity, but because I search for love in the wrong places. I expect others to give me anything I want and then put myself down about my greediness. I want to be neutralized in my emotions without becoming a phony robot. Can’t I have a perfect life?!?! Time to let go of that. Time to work hard with kindness and gratitude.
As I mentioned above, my body was a main focus for me this month and even though I was proud to set that goal, I am still not satisfied with how I look. I seem to spend a lot of time looking at Instagram for models and role-models that I want to look like, and I realized that maybe I really DO care about how I look. I don’t want to become too shallow though. It can be a little bit selfish to only care about your appearance but maybe I am just THAT selfish?? I hope I can find a way to enjoy my body image without losing touch of reality. Been hoping since I was 13, but what’s one more year? Hahahahahahahahahhahaahahahha.,,..