Winston-Salem, North Carolina

TPAP Day Zero (Travel Day)

Failed Transportation: 7:30am flight to Charlotte; getting on 12pm flight to Charlotte (You were 8th on standby, calm down sis); 1:46pm flight to Charlotte (left around 2); getting on 4:10pm flight to Greensboro; 7:20pm arrival in Greensboro (stayed on tarmac for an extra hour)

Succesful Transportation: bus to airport at 4:30am; luggage came at GSO airport; getting to Wake Forest from GSO

-> What was supposed to be a 6-hour travel day turned into a 12-hour disaster. Thanks, American Airlines. You royally sucked at everything you tried to accomplish for me.

TPAP Day One

We did a peculiar exercise at the end of the day today. “Crossing the Line” meant that everyone stood on one side of the room without talking while an announcer declared statements for us to agree/disagree on. You could also decide how much you agreed/disagreed by distance travelled across. I found myself very alone, and emotionally up and down. It makes sense that I felt alone though because each of us, faculty included, stood as individuals. I rode the wave of being completely uncomfortable and completely obsessed with the exercise. I wanted to stop some questions but others made me intoxicated with the gossip of it. “I am funny” was a nice and easy one while “I have been called a faggot” brought the whole room to silence (even more than already). “I have had suicidal thoughts” brought me to shed one tear while “I am an adult” had me totally proud of my decision to stand at the complete other side of the room. We were tasked to find eye contact with others once making a decision and that was very difficult for me. Some people cried, some stayed stoic. Reminded me of Leadership Camp at St. Matt’s and it made me feel part of a community. We finished off with writing our fears on a wall. What a long day.

TPAP Day Two

I don’t understand the reference. I don’t understand the reference. I don’t understand the reference. I don’t understand the reference. I don’t understand the reference. I don’t understand the reference. I don’t understand the reference. I don’t understand the reference. But I can get my leg up…?

TPAP Day Six

This morning, my thoughts are racing with speed and confusion. I feel conflicted. I want to try and plan everything so that I take control of the situations I’ll be faced with each day but I also want to try listening to the director’s suggestion of being flexible to surprises. I hate surprises. They bore me and make me feel like I don’t deserve them. The other thought in my mind is that I am slowly becoming someone different than myself due to simply being around these people for 3 weeks. I don’t see anything wrong with them it’s just that I don’t want to be persuaded in any way. I can be/talk/dress/eat exactly as I am while co-existing with other unique people… Right?

TPAP Day Ten

One of the things I’m battling with is staying present. There are so many interactions happening in my daily routine here that I don’t really have time to re-play these moments after they occur. So I find myself thinking about them during class or during a scene when I’m supposed to REALLY be in the moment. I guess I am not used to this level of extrovertism because back home, I only spend about half my day with people; the other half travelling alone, in my room or just by myself. Also I don’t think I’ve spoken this much in my life. I’m being asked to give my opinion on every subject and that is really new to me. I am used to shutting up, moving silently, listening first, making sure I don’t interrupt… This kind of personality is scary to me because I could say something I don’t mean. On the first day of classes, my teacher told me I eloquently described the most beautiful thing in my life, but I was just making sure my words were concise, articulate and meaningful. I patiently spoke. Now on day 10, I feel very impatient and like I’ve adopted this conversational habit of always starting a sentence and not knowing where it’s going… like now…

TPAP Day Fourteen

As I looked out from the top right bleacher of the Ring Theatre, there was so much chaos. Hyper-reality took over and people screamed while staying in character yet. Oddly enough, I didn’t feel like I belonged. I don’t have the skill set or the confidence (really) to stay so committed to an improvised role while there is no audience to watch. What’s the point? Why would it serve our art form to act/pretend to be a character with a full backstory if not for an outside eye? The only people watching are also in character and therefore not active audience members. I guess it shows me how ensemble-based theatre people can be. They want to work with others.

One thing I managed to get a hold of was “the zone”. So that’s neat.

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