A look back at June 2019…

“There’s a reason we are called human beings and not human doings.”

This came from a caller on the Beautiful Anonymous podcast. When I heard it, I stopped in my tracks on the street. I had been walking all day, moving from one errand to the next, and basically just doing doing doing. I was reminded of the power of “to be”. It’s so simple but something I forget often because the things we accomplish are usually the only things we are celebrated for. I highly recommend this podcast if you want to hear genuine conversation with people all over the world. 

My first play!!

I was lucky enough to land a role in an original play called “Impromptu”, directed by Hassan El-Amin. It was shown as a part of the Parados Festival in the middle of June. I really enjoyed the experience of not relying only on my body for performance. Getting the chance to use my voice for storytelling and singing was really uplifting for my spirit and it taught me to be honest on stage. My cast mates were incredibly welcoming and I finally felt comfortable in a group again. A bunch of us even watched the Tony’s together and it was so special to me to have a safe circle to be in. One of my cast mates even called me an actor by the end of it and I got so blushy. Truly a proud moment for me. I hope this isn’t the end of my acting career.

Home for appointment fest

I went home to Ottawa for a few days, literally 1.75, and most of it was spent doing appointments. Gotta take care of the ol bod. However, there was a super precious and nostalgic moment where I went back to my old elementary school. My mom and I picked my little sister up after school and we ended up playing Four Square for a little bit. So many memories flooded in of my elementary friends playing with me… The boys making me feel incompetent to play with them, me still trying to get on their level and being all feminist and stuff before it was cool. It was so fun to revisit that game and see how the school yard had changed over the years. Same basketball tripod thing on the gravel but now the portable was replaced with a nice play structure. Things evolve and it was nice to see how I’ve changed too. Still like to do cherry bombs though. 🙂

Scheduling a day off

I realized that I hadn’t had a day off in a month so I actually scheduled a day where I would do nothing but what ever I wanted to at the time. I stayed in bed, played video games, ate whatever came across my hunger, and got high as a kite. It was perfect. I told myself I wasn’t allowed to feel guilty for it and that really helped me to accept it as a valuable thing for my health. The old me would have hated myself for awhile after but I decided to try the opposite. I’m very proud of myself. 

Anxiety, the SO that won’t go away

As much as it was a healthy choice to take a day off, that meant that I added a bit more stress on other days. I had to get things done and I expected too much of myself. My anxiety was really bad the other days. It was kind of like an annoying significant other who never gets divorced, and even when you try to move on, it stays in your house. Like a fly on the wall that attaches to your body. I really have to look it in the face and acknowledge it when it gets bad because if not, I’ll start to have mini attacks in public. Deep breaths, calm thinking and lots of water.

Photo by Tavia Christina